fear – Denise Tapscott

Balancing Emotions in July

As I may have mentioned previously, when I create characters in my stories I try to be as thorough and specific as possible to make them interesting. When choosing personality traits, as well as searching for my own inspiration in the real world I visit a website by the lovely Dr. Loretta Standley. She states that “Astrology is not Law; God is the Law! Astrology is ‘the rules’ and the rules are often broken.” You can also find tons of information about holistic health, Angels, prayers and other things spiritual. Thanks to her website, I learned that the beginning of July is ruled by astrological sign of Cancer. It’s motto is “I feel therefore I am”. www.drstandley.com

I can certainly say that July has toyed with my emotions right from the start. I began the month in fear. When I woke up on July 2, I couldn’t see out of my left eye for 10 minutes. I was terrified! After talking with my sister and making multiple phone calls, I was able to make several appointments in one week. I saw my regular doctor (who I think is wonderful even if I only see her yearly) and I visited an eye doctor for the first time (!) where had my eyes dilated (I’m pretty sure I looked like one of the PowerPuff girls afterwards). Guess who has 20/20 vision at the age of 298? This woman!. I had an ultrasound of my carotid arteries to make sure there were no blood clots. By the end of the week, I was given a clear bill of health. My panic and fear changed to gratitude. It turns out, I had an ocular migraine, which isn’t as scary as it sounds. Most likely I slept like a monster after sitting in the sun too long and drinking one too many glasses of sangria.

The second week of July I stepped into my apartment elevator to go to work. The doors closed but nothing happened. I hit the lobby button and there was no movement. I hit the open door button and nothing happened. I was trapped! I was all alone in the elevator for about 40 minutes. I wasn’t scared (that was soooo last week). I was frustrated, irritated and annoyed. One of the cool apartment managers waited outside the elevator to make sure I was okay until a technician arrived. A close friend called to check up on me, I played Words with Friends on my cell phone and my beloved sister constantly texted me until I was free. Once again my emotions were amok. Maybe there was a reason I was delayed form leaving? What could have happened if I left earlier than planned? Would I be alive to tell the tale? Thank God I didn’t have to go to the bathroom! After dreaming up different scary scenarios, I shook the gloomy thoughts and chose to be grateful. Friends and family checked up on me. People sent me positive vibes. I thanked God and the powers that be that I was, and still am just fine and dandy.

Week Three is my mother’s birthday. I posted a photo of her along with my sister and myself on social media (as you can see above). I love her smile in this photo. The Tapscott girls are happy and I’d bet a dollar my dad had a huge grin too when he took this photo. Sadly, because of advanced Alzheimer’s Mom doesn’t know what day it is. I chose to post this picture to remind me and those who have known her throughout the years of brighter times. Lots of friends took the time to send her birthday love. Their touching messages caused me to choke up. There were many tears of joy and pain. I have a beautiful life thanks to my mom, while today her brain betrays her. Once my tears cleared I reminded myself to be grateful. Through highs and lows I have an amazing life that I am thankful for, every day.

As we leave the influence of emotional Cancer and make our way to feisty Leo “I will, therefore I am” , I’m especially grateful for all things great and small, and am doing my best to raise my vibration and positive energy. Next week is my sister’s birthday. May God have mercy on our souls.

Birthday Hijinx and Shenanigans May 2018

After my last post in April about irrational fears, my sister/best friend reminded me that Grandmother Zenobia (from Gypsy Kisses and Voodoo Wishes) also has a phobia of the number twenty-three. It’s called Eikositriophobia. Google it, I dare you. I didn’t see the movie “The Number 23” starring Jim Carey when it first came out, but I remember researching the superstition about the number. When the time came for me to decide the birth date for my cursed twins David and Anton, the answer was crystal clear to me: 5/23. Born under the sign of Gemini, it would be clever that they are twins under a twin sign! Without revealing any spoilers, I threw as many weird things as I could at the boys. There were lots of strange facts that sparked my imagination, such as each parent contributes twenty-three chromosomes to their child, or that it supposedly takes 23 seconds for blood to circulate throughout the body.

This peculiar date was perfect!

In my excitement it didn’t dawn upon me that there was an even greater significance to May twenty third. What could be greater, you might ask?

It’s MY birthday.

So yea, the twins are cursed, and blessed. Blessed I say, because I love my birthday. It isn’t about receiving gifts; however, if you give me a present I will graciously accept it (wink wink). To me it’s about celebrating your personal New Year. What were the astronomical odds that you were even born? You made it this far and thank God, you’re fortunate to experience another year.

It genuinely makes me happy when someone – anyone – wishes me happy birthday. I do my best to acknowledge other people’s birthdays too, especially on social media. If we’re friends on Facebook, I will wish you all the best for your special day, even if I might be a day late.

This year I turn 298 (or something there about) so I have many fond memories of my personal New Year. My most recent, favorite birthday memory happened in 2016 on Bourbon street in New Orleans (no shocker if you know me and my love for NOLA.) I wandered into Maison Bourbon http://www.maisonbourbon.com to hear some old school jazz. There was a delightful four-piece jazz band, playing great songs to a packed bar. The band leader asked if anyone was celebrating an anniversary or a birthday. Not a soul spoke up. I was solo, and didn’t want to draw attention to myself but the band seemed disappointed that no one responded. So, I stepped out of my comfort zone. Nervously I raised my hand and said “It’s my birthday.” People applauded! The band asked for my name. I smiled and answered “Sunny,” a nickname that fits my personality when I’m not writing dark, paranormal stories. The band broke into a lively version of “Happy Birthday” and the entire bar sang along. To my delight and surprise they then sang “When the Saints Go Marching In”. My heart soared.

The next night, two of my gal pals flew in from Los Angeles and I took them back to my new favorite spot. When we walked through the door, the band remembered me. “Sunny’s back!” they exclaimed before playing “Let’s go Fly A Kite”. It was the best time ever in terms of birthday shenanigans! The memory still brings me tears of joy.

I enjoy receiving gifts and using celebratory coupons from my favorite restaurants for my birthday month. (A little known fact unless you’re one of the cool ones born under the sign of the twins: we Geminis celebrate for a minimum of a week.) However it’s the wonderful memories I get to reflect on and share with others that I treasure most.

Regardless if you are a Gemini or not, I hope you take the time to celebrate YOUR personal new year too.

Irrational fears and April Fools April 2018

One day after a grueling shift at work, I dragged myself through my front door. As I put my belongings down, there was a very loud buzzing sound. Low and behold there was a bee in my apartment! Finding an insect, bug or spider in a living space isn’t unusual; what puzzled me is that my roommates and I live on the top floor of a multi-level apartment building. No one was home, and all the windows had been closed all day. This situation was unusual!

Terrified, I ran for cover. The beast was not going to get me. Not today, not ever! Waiting for my roommates to come home seemed like an eternity, even if it was only 20 minutes. As I look back at an evening filled with shrieks, boisterous laughter and a roommate armed with a trusty dusty broom and fencing mask, I realize my fear of bees is mostly, but not entirely irrational.

It comes from moments when I was much younger, when I wore floral lotion, scents that attracted many a stray bee to land on me. “Hold still, there’s a bee on you” haunts me to this day. I remember being on Summer break, playing outside, when nefarious buzzing broke up our playful shenanigans. I was a hostage to the black and yellow monster (even if it was no bigger than a quarter). I would stand as still as a department store mannequin until the bee flew off to find a flower, or another victim.

My rational side of that fear comes from the fact that to this day (and please note that I’m approximately 297 years old) I have never been stung by a bee. When I have had the unfortunate luck of getting drained by a mosquito, the bite area swells up and turns red. Antihistamines such as Benadryl and I are best pals. Obviously bees are different from mosquitoes, but the question does arise. If I’m allergic to a horrendous blood sucking skeeter, how will I react to a bee sting? I don’t plan on finding out any time soon.

As a writer, I do my best to know my characters intimately. I know their favorite colors, songs that might be played at their funeral, etc. One way I try to make them interesting or memorable is to give them specific likes or dislikes, intense hopes and fears. In my novel Gypsy Kisses and Voodoo Wishes, no matter how mean Queen Patia is, she will always love sweets. Another example that will be revealed in a future story is that Grandmother is deathly afraid of frogs!

So friend, do you have any fears, rational or irrational that you’d like to share?